To change or not to change?

The question seems simple, it doesn't require deep thought or heated discussion. However, finding the right balance between accepting ourselves and wanting to improve can be a tough job. Let me explain.

Each one of us has parts of our lives that we struggle with. For some people, or at certain times in life, these unhappy areas can grow, making them hard to ignore. The feeling of dissatisfaction weighs us down, making us look down as we go through life. We might feel unhappy, unsatisfied, or even hopeless. If only we could become someone else! This desire often pushes us to the other extreme; we try to make peace with our problems, accepting them instead of fighting against them. We work hard to reach a point of self-acceptance, allowing our struggles to become part of who we are, changing how we see ourselves to include our flaws.

There is nothing wrong with this idea; loving ourselves is, after all, a good goal, right?

However, here's the catch: not every problem we face is a part of who we are. Some of these burdens come from the choices we've made—choices that may not have been the best. By choosing a different path, we can grow. The strength to change depends partly on our ability to see these challenges as obstacles, not as parts of our identity.

The main point, I think, is choice. We are always choosing who we want to become. I remember a client from a few months ago who said, “I refuse to be the man who gives in to anger, loses control, and destroys everything.” The good news is that he doesn’t have to be that man; change was within his reach, and I am happy he accepted it!

To be clear, we need to set a boundary here: as much as I might wish, I can never become anything other than who I am. We are not talking about changing our core selves but about improving the areas that need work. Our tempers, our lifestyles, our habits, and the choices we make shape our paths. So, the question remains simple, but the answer is still a tough one: should I change or not?

By Adrian Arce